When communication breaks down it is often because of three common mistakes. Truth is not told. Truth is told in a callous way. Or Truth is told at an inappropriate time. Good communication thrives on Truth, Tact, and Timing.
TRUTH: If we do not speak the truth we can not expect good communication. Usually when we think of not speaking the truth we think of outright lies. Although this is a problem, lack of truth can also take the form of not saying things that need to be said. It is an "error of ommission." Another way is to shade the truth by exaggerating some parts, or playing down others. For example, if coworker asks if the music she is playing at her desk is bothering you, instead of saying, "Yes," you say, "I'm getting used to it." For communication to be effective it needs to be undiluted and direct.
TACT: Sometimes the content we communicate is factually accurate but it is delivered in an unpalatable way! Our tone of voice, or the character assinations we tack on to our statements make it very difficult for the other to receive without being on the defensive. Many arguments start and blow up because of this. It's not the message that's the problem; it's the delivery system. For example, screaming "You left the dishes on the table again, you slob!" is not likely to be met by receptive ears. In fact, you'll probably get an earful back! "Well look at the loads of laundry you have backed up! And you never have dinner on time anyway."
TIMING: Sometimes we communicate truth in a tactful way, but at a time that doesn't work well. When the other is tired, preoccupied, sick, or has just suffered trauma they will be less likely to receive your communication with gratefulness. For example, when your spouse comes home and announces he lost his job it would not be the best time to point out why he shouldn't have taken that job in the first place, or all the reasons where you think he messed up and should do differently in his next job. Yes, sometimes truth can't wait for the perfect time. But if we stop and think we can usually spot a place in the schedule when we know it will be a good time for the other.
Truth, Tact, and Timing. Three keys to effective communication.
MINISTRY UPDATE
On Saturday, July 11th, I will be holding a free telephone class on the topic of "Healing is a Choice." I'd love for you to join us, and bring your friends too! For more details, please click HERE.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The three T's of good communication
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tools for Morning and Evening prayer
If you're like me your mind wanders horribly during prayer! I find that if I have a list of potential topics to spur me to think about different things it makes the time much more meaningful.
I also find that if I write things down I am much more focused. So, at the end of this article you will see links to forms that incorporate these teaser phrases in a way that lets you "fill in the blanks," so to speak.
Try them out, and then let me know what you think by clicking on the "comment" link at the bottom of this article.
Morning Prayer Tool
- The theme of my dreams was...
- A "God thing" from yesterday was...
- God, I praise you because you are…
- God, I thank you for…
- God, today I am feeling…
- God, today my faith is…
- God, today I confess...
- God, I want to better understand...
- God, please help…
- God, please bless…
- God, I am worried about…
- God, I need your help with…
- In Jesus' name and authority I send to flight the evil forces affecting...
- God, what I need from you today is…
- God what would you like me to do about…
- God, what are the most important things for me to do accomplish today?
- God, what do you want to say to me right now?
If you would like to use a one-page form as an aid in writing out your responses to these questions, scroll to the bottom.
Evening Prayer Tool
- God, I praise you because you are…
- God, I thank you for…
- God, today I felt…
- God, today my faith was…
- God, today I confess...
- God, I want to better understand...
- God, please help…
- God, please bless…
- God, I am concerned about…
- God, I need your help with…
- In Jesus' name and authority I send to flight the evil forces affecting...
- God, what I need from you tomorrow is…
- God what would you like me to do about…
- God, what are the most important things for me to do accomplish tomorrow?
- God, I'd like you to speak to me in my dreams about...
- God, what are you saying to me?
NOTE: Clicking on these links below will bring you to a page where you can view the desired form. To Save the form, click on the word "Download" underneath the document. To Print the form, click on the word "More" at the top of the document, and choose "Print."
There is a Word and PDF version of each form. Choose whichever works best for you.
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MINISTRY NEWS
I will be holding a free teleclass on the topic, "Healing is a Choice," on Saturday morning, July 11th, at 11AM Eastern. For more information, click HERE.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Are you myopic? Or hyperopic?
There once was a man who took really good care of himself. He exercised daily, got plenty of sleep, was never late with a payment, and had several interesting hobbies. His motto was, "Charity begins at home." However, he was never available to take friends to the airport, gave a dollar a week at church, thought that national and international news was boring and irrelevant, and avoided friends if they were having problems. He was myopic. Near-sighted.
There once was a woman who loved everyone. She took casseroles to the sick, volunteered for all committees at church, mowed her elderly neighbor's lawn, and gave generously to strangers in need. Her motto was, "It's better to burn out than rust out." However, she was broke, overweight, unhappy, and exhausted. She was on the verge of needing to be taken care of by others. She was hyperopic. Far-sighted.
Is it wrong to be near-sighted? Is it wrong to be far-sighted? Which is better?
The problem is that they're both disorders. A near-sighted person gets corrective lenses to enable him to see things at a distance, while continuing to see things close up. A far-sighted person gets lenses that help her see up close, while retaining her ability to see a distance.
Which corrective lenses do you need? Do you tend to be very aware of your own needs, and work to meet them, but stay relatively unfazed by the needs of others? Or are you always busy trying to meet the needs of others, while ignoring your own?
The Bible speaks simply to this issue: "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, NIV)
If you are near-sighted, the challenge is to begin to become more concerned about others. Intentionally get involved with people and situations and projects that get you out of yourself. Go on a short-term missions trip. Volunteer at a food bank. Call someone you know who is having a tough time. Pick a percentage of your income (even 1%) to start giving away to people in need, or worthy causes. Do something on purpose that is difficult or uncomfortable. Don't worry. You can do these things and still take good care of yourself!
If you are far-sighted, the challenge for you is to begin taking better care of yourself. Take a day off by shutting off the phone and not answering the door. Get counseling. Plan an event that has no purpose other than fun and enjoyment. Say "no" to someone. Join a club or a group that builds up your mental, emotional, or physical health. Delegate. Buy something for yourself that is absolutely not essential. Maybe even frivolous. For a week, choose to only talk to people who adore you. Turn things over to God. Give him have a chance to solve the world's problems. Don't worry. You can do these things and still give lots of time left to serve others. And the help you give will be a much better quality!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Excuses for not getting help
I am in a position to encourage people to get help for their problems, sometimes involving significant expense or travel. Here are the most common excuses I hear, and my responses.
- It costs too much money.
*Not getting help is usually more expensive than getting help. - I’m too busy.
*That's probably part of the problem. - My spouse won’t let me.
*Your spouse is not your parent. - I’m not the one with the problem, he is!
*Is his problem affecting you? - I’m going to try it on my own for awhile.
*That’s what you’ve been doing. Check the results. - I can’t find a therapist, group, or program that’s the perfect fit for me.
*You never will. - My kids will miss me while I’m away.
*But they’ll love the new and improved you! - I just need to be stronger and try harder.
*If that's all it took you would be better by now. - I have to take care of a sick friend, relative, or pet.
*Someone else can. Contrary to popular opinion you are not indispensable! - Turning to others for help means I am not trusting God.
*Can you trust that God will work through his people? - The future is more important than the past.
*Right. And addressing the past will help you have a better future. - I have to attend my daughter’s dance competition.
*If you were in a car accident you wouldn’t attend it. Maybe you’ve been in an emotional accident! - Spending that much time or money on myself is selfish.
*Taking good care of yourself will actually enable you to be more useful to others.
NEWS
- Coach Doug is working through the first course in his PhRD program. It's called "Spiritual Formation" and has to do to with the various disciplines that aid in spritual and personal growth.
- We are considering holding one day teleclasses on various topics. They would probably be for 2 hours on a Saturday morning. We'd love to hear what topics you would be interested in. Leave a comment. Thanks!
